Welcome to an unforgettable odyssey through Vietnam! Imagine twenty-one days filled with the most amusing scams, fake honeymoons, scooter-ridden roads, improbable floating markets, and – the grand finale – a hilarious confrontation with the local mafia… monkeys! Get ready to discover what makes this country explosively full of surprises, irresistible for its gastronomy, and unforgettable thanks to its people. From Hanoi to Phu Quoc, from romance to logistical troubles, and from affordable luxury to sleepless nights on buses, this narrative will reveal why crossing Vietnam is to open all your senses and your heart – while keeping an eye on your backpack and your wallet!
From a honeymoon scam…
The journey begins in Hanoi, amidst the invigorating turmoil of the Old Quarter, with a certain desire for exoticism and adventure… and let’s say, a light organization. As soon as you land, there’s no question of lingering; the cold bites, summer outfits are a deadly beginner’s mistake: some shopping is necessary before rushing to the much-anticipated stop, the famous luxury cruise on Ha Long Bay.
That’s where the “scam” begins. Out of whimsical folly, the bridal suite – sumptuous, indeed, but usurped, since there’s no wedding in sight – is reserved. Flattering the staff, expecting champagne or “special honeymooner” perks… In reality, only dubious wine celebrates the event. The real surprise comes at dinner: the entire team shows up, cakes and syrupy songs included, to congratulate the “old married couple.” Guaranteed nervous laughter under the gazes of the other passengers! To ponder: in Vietnam, luxury looks affordable on paper, but pretending to be on your honeymoon may cost more in dignity than in dongs.
Beyond the anecdote, this first stop raises the question of choosing between comfort and authenticity, between organized resort life and local immersion.
The sensory delights of the North: Sapa, homestays, and quirky traditions
After the glitz, head to Sapa, a true return to Earth… or rather, to altitude. Here, forget bathtubs and all-you-can-eat buffets; the ambience is that of a tin hut, waking up orchestrated by dogs, buffaloes, and chickens, with cold water and toilets at the back of the garden. Yet, it’s in discomfort that magic is born: homestays offer privileged access to the soul of Vietnam.
During a hike through the rice terraces, guided by the amazing Chi, we discover the local rites: here, love conquests resembled kidnappings (three attempts before finding “the one”!), and women from certain tribes shave their foreheads in memory of a domestic tragedy involving a hair lost in the soup. Hospitality pierces the mist, and rice wine, known as “Happy Water,” warms hearts more surely than a radiator.
Rural exodus and tourism transform villages, primarily thanks to women who now pull the economic strings, while men pamper the animals or the little ones. It’s an opportunity for the traveler to abandon all pretension and accept the lesson of humility… even after having pathetically failed in an attempt to tame a manual scooter on a dizzying slope.
Vibrating to the rhythm of the “scooter nation”
Vietnam is primarily a deafening orchestra of horns. Scooters reign supreme, capable of transporting anything: a family of five, baskets of fruit, or even a tree. Crossing the street resembles an extreme sport, halfway between a lottery and contemporary dance. Here, gaining a pedestrian square meter requires determination… but above all, you must “stay the course,” even in the midst of a tide of two-wheeled vehicles.
To integrate into this organized cacophony, there’s nothing better than climbing onto the back of a “Grab” (the local equivalent of Uber). First, a tense grip, followed by admiration for the zen ease of makeshift pilots, true magicians of the asphalt. Bonus advice: enjoy the ride to observe the Vietnamese talking on the phone, smoking, or browsing YouTube while zigzagging… There’s your lesson in letting go and mobility!
Want to travel differently? Take a look at this world tour adventure by car… less risky than the Vietnamese scooter!
Sleeper buses, sleepless nights, and VIP at low prices
Vietnam is long! From North to South, each stop becomes a logistical adventure, especially when the itinerary fits on a “sleeper bus” ticket: a promise of sleep quickly forgotten, vibrations and endless turns, collective snoring and feet getting in your face. But in Asia, even the troubles turn into stories that make you smile later.
A small miracle at the airport: thinking to save money, a click error results in the purchase of a “Sky Boss” ticket – the crème de la crème. Disembark in a private jet on the tarmac, access to the VIP lounge, hard-boiled eggs and red wine galore… This shows that Asia also reserves some unexpected luxuries at sweet prices.
Hoi An, lanterns, and obligatory romance
Enchanted pause in Hoi An, a true gem classified as a UNESCO world heritage site. Nearby, My Son and its temples, a treasure to discover absolutely. In Hoi An, one strolls between lanterns, faded colonial architecture, and peaceful little bridges, not to mention the craziness of a bar dedicated to Mr. Bean. The atmosphere is so sweet that even the least romantic succumb to the call of a gently meandering evening, a mango ice cream in hand.
Cham Island, the monkey mafia strikes hard
Head to Cham Island to finally taste the beach tranquility… well, at least on the surface! After a few hours spent admiring the fish, it’s time for the monkeys to deliver their show: an army of furry creatures invades the restaurant, robbing the distracted and snatching everything that’s lying around. The “monkey mafia” does not joke around; everyone laughs nervously, the locals leading the way, as they wage a lost battle against these tailed ninjas.
Attention future explorers, prepare products to reduce travel stress… sometimes, it’s your bananas that suffer the consequences.
Floating markets and disappointments on the Mekong
End of the journey in Can Tho, the largest city in the Mekong. Night on a “love boat” with outdated charm (and an alarming rolling rate), very early wake-up to discover the floating markets. Upon arrival, surprise: the picturesque has crumbled! The “authentic” market resembles a show for tourists, where locals now shop at the supermarket, and the scene is just a backdrop.
Too bad, you take away a lesson: knowing how to mix folkloric experiences with real moments. For markets vibrant with authenticity, the guide suggests Thailand! If the adventure still tempts you, several circuits allow for insured travels without hassle.
Phu Quoc, paradise… and gastronomic irony
Last stop, Phu Quoc: the postcard-perfect island, paradisiacal beaches, bungalows on the white sand… and for me, a memorable episode of food poisoning. The irony is that after surviving all the street food stalls and dubious stoves, it’s in a palace that it all goes wrong!
Nonetheless: even intestinal setbacks seem bearable when the scenery is idyllic. Moral? Just like the roads of Vietnam: keep the course, and keep moving forward!
To better prepare for your own adventure and avoid such mishaps, inquire about good insurance before you go.
Vietnam, for sale… but at any price!
Ultimately, Vietnam is one of those countries where it’s better to sell your car rather than miss out on the adventure. The cost of living defies all competition: beer at 10 cents, a feast for the price of a sandwich in Paris, luxury within everyone’s reach, or a roots trip without losing an ounce of charm. Between the warmth of its people, the shock of its landscapes, the aroma of its soups and markets, every day is a sensory fireworks display, a burst of laughter, and sometimes, a challenge met.
Want more original travel journals? Discover adventures around the world by car or let yourself be inspired by the mysteries of Ha Long Bay. Vietnam, for its part, awaits you: neither completely tame nor perfectly organized, but terribly endearing!
